Making Memories
Every moment is a potential memory.
Where Memories Are Made
We're making memories.
As parents, that's what we say when we spend the day at the beach with our children, building sandcastles and digging holes and jumping in the waves. Or we pack up everything-but-the-kitchen-sink and travel across state lines to visit relatives, making memories with our loved ones while we can. Or we plan and save and finally take the family trip we've been dreaming about, trading our savings for restaurant meals and hotel rooms and souvenirs. As the vacation fund dwindles like the melting ice cream in our cones, we see the investment of time, energy, and dollars, and we trust that it's worthwhile. We're making memories.
But memories aren't just made on vacation. Difficult days can stick with us in vivid detail: moments of loss, of fear, of injury and illness. Other memories are just snippets of everyday life at a particular point in time. Any day, any moment of consciousness, has the potential to become a memory.
Any moment has the potential to become a memory.
In our busy lives, and especially with children at home, it's easy to get caught up in the noise, the messes, and the issues of the minute. Each day is so filled with activities, conversations, and routines, it can seem to go by in a blur. I sometimes step back, look at my children, and wonder: What will they remember from this time? What will I remember? Which of these specific moments in their little lives will form a lasting impression?
Reflections on Remembering
When I was young, I was known for my "good memory," but even my own childhood memories—some vague and others distinct—are sparse and seemingly random. I can picture my dad coming home from work when I was three or four years old, walking up the stairs with his briefcase and foil-wrapped "Bernie bread"—a quick loaf baked by his coworker, Bernie—in hand. But is that a memory of one specific evening? A collage of impressions formed over the course of months? Or maybe just a dream that muddled with reality and imagination over the years? More importantly: Why can I easily return to that mental picture, but so few other moments from my early life?
I count it as a blessing of modern technology that my more recent memories are augmented by digital photography. When I want to remember something—the size of my baby's hand in mine, the craft project my creative daughter constructed, or the time we spontaneously dipped our toes in the ocean on a weekend adventure—I take a picture. My phone's warning that "your memory is running out of storage space" rings true for more than my hard drive. There are only so many moments we can distinctly hold on to in our conscious mind. But when I look at a photo from five or ten years ago, even twenty years ago, I can often picture being in that place in time. Writing helps, too; the daily moments of my older children's preschool days would have been lost if I hadn't documented them with journal entries, messages to extended family, photographs, and video clips.
Making Memories with Intention
Realizing that everything has the potential to form a memory, but nothing is guaranteed, can drive us to approach the days with a little more intention. Thinking about our words and actions, we can ask: Is this the memory I want to create? Am I being the person—right now, in this moment— that I want my family to remember? We can’t decide which moments will be cemented in our children’s minds, but we can choose the positive attitudes, the encouraging affirmations, and the deliberate acts of kindness that add color and warmth to the memories we create.
We aren’t powerless over what we or others remember; there are actions we can take to influence memory formation. We can document the highlights; we can tell our favorite "Remember that time...?" stories; we can plan the big adventures and celebrations that set the stage for happy impressions. As your own experience might validate, vacations and birthday parties and holidays are often where memories are made.
But sometimes, it's just coming home from work with a special snack. Or building a marshmallow-and-toothpick structure while talking about the best and worst parts of school.
Maybe part of making good memories is just showing up: eating dinner together, singing silly songs, cheerfully driving to soccer practice, listening to their stories, admiring their doodles, snuggling at bedtime and kissing them goodnight.
Every day with our children is a potential memory, for them and for us. One great day might stick, but it might just as easily be forgotten. More likely, it's a series of moments over days over years that show our children they are loved. And since we can only live each moment one time, let's make good memories every day—whether we remember them or not.
- MJ
Life of You
What are your best childhood memories? What do you hope your family will remember about this time in your life right now?